Heaven Help Us
by ReadingWhiz89
Summary: Save us from the Mary Sue who shall devastate the world! A poem.


Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all things related to him do not belong to me. All I own are the books, and this silly poem. 

A/N: Ok, I usually do not venture out of the realm of Trigun fanfiction (If you haven't seen the anime you don't know what you're missing!). However, after scanning the Harry Potter section and finding nothing but HORRIBLE Mary-Sues, I decided to write this poem. It is kind of an epic since it turned out longer than I thought it would. So, read it if you don't mind lengthy poetry. Plus, it takes place after HBP.

Also, I just want to point out that this poem is a PARODY. Do NOT read it like a GOOD story. I, in fact, HATE this kind of stuff. So, a PARODY this IS. Read it as such.

Thank you.

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Heaven Help Us

Happiness did reign at Hogwarts's fine school.

For many a year, peace did so well rule.

The boys were quite hoggy, kind gentlemen.

The girls were quite warty, fine specimens.

But then came the day chaos ran amuck

In the form of a girl blessed with good luck.

She was a beauty beyond all compare.

Soft and wavy were the locks of her hair.

They were so golden they outshone the sun,

Much time spent before the hair-do was done.

Her left eye sparkled blue, clear like the sky.

Emerald green glittered through her right eye.

Her voice was a song, a weave of sweet notes.

Her laugh was like bells, a ringing that smote.

Needless to say, her figure was flawless.

Looks such as hers made nature seem lawless.

The boys did so gape at her beautiful face

While the girls glared away, wanting her grace.

The day she came to the great school of sage

She was a teen seventeen years of age.

The girl met a guy aboard the school train

Whose hair was a quite unruly black mane.

His eyes were bright green, like her own left eye,

And he was quite glad to say to her "Hi."

Then for some reason she burst into tears,

And cried about all of her baseless fears.

Yet her face was so noble, pale and fair,

The single teardrop, as a diamond rare.

She bemoaned her sad fate as if one dead,

As if to hell her soul was being lead.

It took him much time to calm the poor girl

As she told a story to make one hurl.

Harry's dear sister, this girl was in fact,

As she poured out her heart, lacking all tact.

She even had a scar on her smooth brow

That was shaped of lightning, though not clear how.

Harry was shocked, and not without reason.

He liked her good looks; now that was treason!

To love one's own sibling was a high crime.

Indeed what a terrible trick of time!

A sister from nowhere has just appeared.

Now he knew not what he should do, he feared.

The girl wiped away her tears, clear and bright,

Saying her life had been filled with grave blight.

Yet she was happy, her brother now found.

Now there was nothing that could them confound!

Together would they fight the Dark Lord

If she could break from the Death Eater horde.

The school days flew by, many quite boring,

More so for her, in Gryffindor soaring.

She excelled in all subjects with great ease.

Yet she was quite humble, never a tease.

Such was her talent, far beyond her peers,

But only the girls reserved for her leers.

Finally nearing the end of the year,

The girl was pulled aside by a tall peer.

She knew him as Malfoy, Draco by name.

He told her He wished her to cease her game.

She nodded stiffly, head steeped in shadow

Before he pushed his lips to hers shallow.

Then a few days before the ending tests

A cloaked group of men came from the Forest.

Malice radiated off their tall selves

Causing the pants to be wet on house elves.

They marched to the castle up to the gate

Blasting their way through the large metal grates.

Pandemonium ruled in the hallways

As students did trip through the narrow ways.

But our hero was there, ready to fight,

Steady before all the oncoming might.

She did not back down, resigned to her fate

As she marched out alone to the tall gate.

She fought as if mad, golden locks streaming.

Her mismatched eyes with spirit were gleaming.

But then a tall figure came from the mess.

Then she was frozen, no longer fearless.

For this was Master, the one whom she served,

Lord Voldemort, a name chosen, deserved.

He told her her brother must that day die.

She would not do it and started to cry.

The Dark Lord said despite she was his love

He would not tolerate her feelings dove. (1)

The teen shrieked at him, demanding a fight

To see who would triumph, the dark or light.

The battle was great, an epic indeed.

Two forces struggled, but not worth the read.

And then came the sound, a resounding BANG.

The war was won, and sweet liberty rang.

But there was a great price that must be said,

For both girl and Dark Lord were indeed dead.

Lamentations poured forth, wails and much tears,

As people cried so much it pained their ears.

The girl was quite dead, so fair and so brave,

She even looked gorgeous beyond the grave.

The funeral was a mournful event.

So many came that they needed some tents.

But then to the awe of all gathered there,

The girl rose again, amid many stares.

So many rejoiced at the sight of her

Although many a girl had to say, "Grrr!"

Her brother was so happy, the big lug,

That he swooped right down and gave her a hug.

Then all went wrong as the girl lunged at him,

Her faced twisted in a berserk snarl, grim.

She sunk long fangs into poor Harry's neck,

Draining his blood, mummified corpse a wreck.

When she was done, she turned on all others,

Tearing apart families, sisters, brothers.

In the end did she stand on piles of dead,

The ground all around her dyed crimson red.

She rejoiced in slaughters, tasting sweet blood.

The waters ran red and mingled with mud.

Vampires such as her enjoy a good taste,

Never letting a droplet go to waste.

And so has this epic come to an end.

It does indeed show a startling trend.

Many an author love this girl called Sue.

Her first name is Mary, terrible too.

Will heaven not help to save us from she,

Or are we doomed to live at her mercy?

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(1) A reference to the Hawk and Dove factions in the United States during the Vietnam War.

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A/N: Yes, this poem was long. Sorry. I hope you enjoyed it. I mean, I hope you appreciated the PARODY part. If this was not a parody, I'd shoot myself for writing anything resembling a Mary-Sue. Now, reviews please! 


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